Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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