There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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