first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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