I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
