dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
