I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
