question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I wish there were birth control emojis
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
