I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm really busy with my period
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
