I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
