I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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