I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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