You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
