i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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