Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
