You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
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You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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