did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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