am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
