So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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