so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
