He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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