I hate all girls vehemently.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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