if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
