so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
