At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Randomize
