I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
