so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
