There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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