My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
