I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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