So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
