Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
