Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
