sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
