So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
