I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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