I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
