Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
