Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
