Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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