Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
