don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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