wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he puts the penis in happiness.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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