You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize