Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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