They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
