I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
