I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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