Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
