Cold hands, warm shart.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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