And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
God, I missed his penis.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize