my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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