If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize