i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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