saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
