mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize
