im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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