I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
