After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
