yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
