it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
