If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My vagina is officially offended.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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