At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
