the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
