i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
