I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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